Title: |
Guards! Guards! |
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Author: |
Terry Pratchett |
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Category: |
Fantasy / Science Fiction |
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Rating: |
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Date Reviewed: |
December 27, 2023 |
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uards! Guards! is the eighth book in the forty-one books of the Discworld oeuvre. The Discworld books are subdivided into series-within-the-series arcs, depending on which character(s) are the primary focus of the novel. There are books about Death (which is a character in Discworld), the witches, Rincewind-the-inept-wizard, the Industrial Revolution, and the young witch Tiffany Aching. Guards! Guards! is the first book in the subseries that features the men of the City Watch. The City Watch theoretically is the law enforcement arm of the vast corrupt city of Ankh Morpork, but in actually, the City Watch is a dumping ground for men too useless to do anything at all. Captain Sam Vimes is in charge of the Watch, which has eroded to just three members (there is mention of a fourth member named Gaskin, who presumably perished in an earlier novel). Vimes begins the novel as a drunkard sleeping in the gutters. The other two are Sergeant Colon and Corporal "Nobby" Nobbs. |
Two things occur to shake Captain Vimes out of his listless stupor. The first is the threat posed by the evil Supreme Grand Master, who has a assembled a brotherhood of dim-witted underlings to help him summon a dragon. Pratchett gets a lot of mileage out of the conversation between these dull would-be wizards who are dabbling in dangerous magics. But, as Brother Plasterer notes, as long as they are only practicing magic, rather than doing the real thing, they ought to be safe enough...
Dragons have not been seen on Discworld for centuries. They aren't extinct, but they aren't around. The dragons are simply elsewhere, and best left undisturbed. The Supreme Grand Master has concocted a plan in which a giant fire breathing dragon will appear and terrorize the city, only to be confronted and vanquished by a heroic man with a sword. The grateful populace of Ankh Morpork will naturally crown that hero as their king. You can guess who the Supreme Grand Master has in mind to play the role of the hero.
The second event that changes the fortunes of Captain Vimes is that the dwarves of a distant kingdom have realized that their adopted son, named Carrot, whom they have raised since he was just a toddler,
can no longer live amongst the dwarves. For one thing, Carrot has grown to be 6'6", a paragon of muscle and earnest loyalty. Although Carrot is human, he has grown up in dwarf culture, and dwarves take things literally (which of course leads
to many of Pratchett's jokes). Carrot is sent off to live in Ankh Morpork, and he becomes the fourth member of the City Watch. Carrot comes armed with a book of rules and regulations, and a sincere desire to set things right (and the
strength and willpower to enforce the law in lawless Ankh Morpork).
Although Captain Vimes recognizes the many failings of his city, he is outraged when a dragon appears and threatens the metropolis. Vimes investigates the dragon sightings, looking for clues and trying
to understand who is behind these criminal schemes. Vimes becomes a determined man of action, despite the many daunting obstacles he faces. When Carrot shows up, with his huge book of laws and regulations, Vimes has to stop him from arresting everyone
for infractions, including the Patrician himself. Pratchett does an excellent job creating characters. They all have flaws and distinctive personalities. They make mistakes, but also (sometimes) try to do the right thing. Captain Vimes is likeable. The
reader feels his exasperation with the fools, cowards and criminals that surround him. Vimes is trying to save the city from a fire-breathing dragon. I laughed multiple times while reading this book. Pratchett writes some genuinely funny stuff. I have included some excerpts from the novel. If you find these quotes to be humorous (I did), you will enjoy Guards! Guards! "But you send him off to see a lot of other ducks, let him get his feet wet, and he won't go running around after any bantams anymore. And Bob's your uncle."
Varneshi sat back and looked rather pleased with himself.
When you spend a large part of your life underground, you develop a very literal mind. Dwarfs have no use for metaphor and simile. Rocks are hard, the
darkness is dark. Start messing around with descriptions like that, and you are in big trouble, is their motto. But after two hundred years of talking to humans the king had, as it were,
developed a painstaking mental toolkit which was nearly adequate for the job of understanding them. "Surely Bjorn Stronginthearm is my uncle," he pointed out slowly. "Same thing."
There was a pause while the king subjected this to careful analysis. "You're saying," he said, weighing every word,"that we should send Carrot away to be a duck among humans because Bjorn Stronginthearm is my uncle." Ankh-Morpork! Brawling city of a hundred thousand souls! And, as the Patrician privately observed, ten times that number of actual people. "Oh yes, He's got that all right." It always amazed Vimes how Nobby got along with practically everyone. It must, he decided, have something to do with the
common denominator. In the entire world of mathematics, there could be no denominator as common as Nobby. Lady Rankin drawing herself up haughtily was not a sight to forget, although you could try. It was like watching continental drift in reverse as various subcontinents
and islands pulled themselves together to form one massive, angry protowoman. The other two entered the room. Vimes gave his men his usual look of resigned dismay.
"My squad," he mumbled.
"Fine body of men," said Lady Rankin. "The good old rank and file, eh?"
"The rank, anyway," said Vimes. "Ah, pageantry," said the monarchist, pointing with his pipe. "Very important. Lots of spectacles."
"What, free?" said Throat.
"We-ell, I think maybe you have to pay for the frames," said the monarchist. To his amazement the door was eventually opened by a butler so elderly he might have been resurrected by the knocking. The next book in the City Watch subseries is Men At Arms, which is book 15 of the overall Discworld series. I hope to read that one next.